The Truth About Sex

Jane has recently taken a strong interest in our go-to birds-and-bees book, book "It's So Amazing." We were sitting in the kitchen the other morning when the following exchange ensued:

Jane: "Wait, Mommy! Dad sexed you THREE TIMES??"
Me: "Um, yes."
Jane: "And that's how you got three kids."
Me: "Yes."
Jane: "When I get a husband, I am going to ask him if he'll sex ME three times. I wonder if he will."
Me: "I'm sure he won't mind."
Jane: "Right.  Because he will really want the three kids."

Mermaids (Again)

Last year for Don's birthday, Claire chose this tasteful mermaid bottle opener. I'm still not really sure why I allowed her to get it - I blame one of my many parenting defects.  The other night, Jane whose mermaid obsession continues, had been staring intently at the bottle opener.  She suddenly looked up.

Jane: "Dad - I know why Claire got you that mermaid bottle opener!"
Don: "Why?"
Jane: "Well, she knew that you needed to open wine."
Don:  "Okay."
Jane: "AND, she noticed that it had big, pointy, puffed-out boobs."

Well, that about sums it up.

Share, Share Alike (Or Not)

The other day I walked into Margot's room and noticed a Polly Pocket mermaid tail lying on the floor.

Me:  "Margot, whose is this?  Jane has been looking for a Polly Pocket mermaid tail."

Margot:  "Oh, that's mine.  Jane has been talking about it because she has an Ariel Polly Pocket, but she lost the tail - so she can't use it as a mermaid.  You know how she's obsessed with mermaids."

Me: [nodding]

Margot:  "Actually . . . I'm not really using it so much.  And Jane does love mermaids, and she does really, really want a tail for her Ariel Polly Pocket . . ."

Me:  [waiting]

Margot:  "So . . . too bad for her.  It's mine."

L&D, Mermaid-Style

Jane is currently obsessed with mermaids.  Fortunately, her older sister has been able to answer important mermaid-related questions, such as the following:

Jane:  "How do mermaids have babies?" 

Margot:  "They puke them up.  Since, you know . . . they can't open their legs." 

Jane:  [silence] 

Margot:  "But sometimes they just burp up a fish."