What's In A Name?

Jane (glancing at her phone):  "I've named you Spawn Point."

Me:  "What??"

Jane:  "Spawn Point.  In my contacts."

Me:  "That doesn't sound very nice."

Jane:  "No; I mean it in the most affectionate way. You know, since you spawned me."

Me: [Silence]

Graphs

Margot was up late working on some pre-algebra graphs last night.  I offered the below assistance, which she failed to appreciate.

A Film of Enduring Value

The other day, we were discussing the Zika virus, and I used the term "birth control":

Jane:  "What is birth control?"
Me:  "It means doing things so that a woman doesn't get pregnant after having sex."
Jane:  "So, is a condom birth control?"
Me:  "Yes, exactly."
Margot:  "Jane, you don't even know what a condom is."
Jane: "Margot!  Of course I do.  I've seen The Blues Brothers."

Don's belief in the value of letting small children watch this film is yet again confirmed.

Eye of the Beholder

Last Sunday, we were on our way to the ice skating rink.  Although we arrived several hours before open skating was set to end, we saw people streaming out of the rink, and some kids shouted to us, "They're closing early!"  When I asked why, I got the response, "Super Bowl!"

Margot:  "What did she say?"
Me: "She said they're closing early because of the Super Bowl."
Jane:  "The WHAT?"
Me:  "The Super Bowl."
Jane & Margot (simultaneously):  "What is it?"
Me:  "A football game that decides the national champion."
Margot:  "Ridiculous.  No one cares about that."

The sports IQ at 9 Park Lane holds steady as we head into 2016.

What I Do All Day

The girls' understanding of my professional skill set remains somewhat narrow.  Today's exchange:


Me:  "I love you.  Have a great day!"
Margot:  "I love you, too.  Good luck sending all of your emails!"
Me:  "What?"
Margot: "You know, all of your business-y things at work.  The stuff you do all day."
Me:  "Ah.  Today we're running a leadership development program for 30 lawyers."
Margot:  "Oh.  Good luck with your program! And with any emails you have to send!"

How We Store Things at 9 Park Lane

I like all of my household items to be multi-purpose.

Difficult People

It's amazing what Margot puts up with from the people in this family.

Don
Tried to make Margot eat something "disgusting."

Jane

Was rude to Margot.

Claire & Me
Self-explanatory.

Let's Not Over-react

Nice that she hasn't lost her flair for the dramatic.

To clarify:

Never mind - it's all good.

In Which the Fashion Police Weigh In

We were out to dinner with our friend and his 15-year old daughter, when the topic of double-pierced ears came up.

Jane:  "Double-pierced ears are so cool.  But you have to be 13 to get them."
Me:  "I agree - double-pierced ears can be really pretty. I've thought about getting a second ear-piercing myself."
Jane [with horror]:  "Mom!  NO!! You can't do that. You cannot get double-pierced ears."
Me:  "Why not? I like them."

Jane [increasingly distraught]:  "MOM! No. That's a terrible idea!!"
Me: "What?! I don't think it's a terrible idea."
Jane:  "Mom. PLEASE. You are all business-womanish. You are not the sort of person who has double-pierced ears."
Me: [silence]
Jane:  "Mom, I'm not kidding.  It's a bad idea. It would be really inappropriate."

Three days later . . .
I'm giving Jane her cuddle at bedtime, when suddenly she blurts out, "Mom, I really do not want you to get your ears double-pierced."  I express surprise that this topic is still on her mind, and she says, "I'm really worried about it.  I've been thinking about it a lot.  Mom, please don't do it - it would be so awful."

So, I guess that's that.

A Brush with Fame

Very significant day for Jane - who knew she was paying so much attention when the radio is on each morning?!




The day began with this inquiry from Jane - which I passed on to the appropriate parties via Twitter.

We received this delightful response.

And Jane offered her own reply to the response (while telling me:  "I can't believe he answered me!!").

What Goes Around . . . Goes Around (Text Version)

I recently picked up my phone to text our nanny, and found this exchange:

Which is why I was pleased when I picked up Margot's phone and found this (Margot is in blue).  At least Claire treats everyone equally.

Welcome to Nerdville

Claire:  "Wouldn't it be hilarious if there was an app that translated speech into binary?"

Me:  [silence]

Claire:  "So, your friend would text you a message, maybe, "Hi, how are you?"  Then you would answer them normally but the message they would get would say something like, "0011001010101.""

Me:  [silence]

Claire:  "Mom, come on.  It would be awesome."

Kitchen Darwinism

Claire:  "Can I eat this cookie?  It's misshapen."

Me:  "You already had two of them."

Claire:  "Mom.  We must weed out the weak ones."

Editorial License

I was driving, and so asked Claire to type my response to a text from Margot.  The result:

All the News That's Fit to Print

So glad I made it into the inaugural story:

 

10 Points for Motherhood!

Another (admittedly rare) piece of evidence suggesting that I'm not just swearing and providing inappropriate reading material to my kids:

Language (Again)

Everyone has heard the allegation that, despite the onset of motherhood 12+ years ago, I have generally failed to clean up my language to a proper, motherly degree. The girls generally accept this state of affairs, sometimes exclaiming, "Mom!  LANGUAGE!" if things seem really off the rails.

This summer, my phone made the below auto-correct in a text I sent to Margot. Claire got a look at it and burst out laughing.

Me: "But why would it make that correction when I was trying to type walking?!"

Claire: "Mom, your phone knows you too well."

Awesomeness

Claire:  "I love coding.  Computer camp is the amazing."

Jane:  "When I'm older, I want to go to an awesome camp."

Claire:  "You should totally go to coding camp, it's the best."

Jane:  "No, I mean I want to go to a really awesome camp. Like BLACKSMITH camp."

Hooray for Reading! (Maybe)

As in the past, Margot demonstrates an interesting (i.e., questionable) reading selection:

Tentacles. Or Whatever.

Our recent breakfast conversation at busy, bustling Ula Cafe:

Jane:  "Mom, can you explain what a tentacle is?"

Me: "A tentacle?"

Jane:  "Yes. [My friend] wanted me to explain it to her but I wasn't sure how."

Me: "Sure.  It's like a long flexible arm on an animal.  For example, an octopus has eight tentacles."

Jane (quietly):  "No, not that.  I mean a man's tentacle."

Margot (loudly):  "Mom, I'm pretty sure she means TESTICLE."

Jane (loudly):  "Oh, yes - that's it!  I mean TESTICLE. Can you tell me everything you know about testicles?"

So glad we live in JP.