Seasickness

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Jane:  "Mommy, I'm going on a rain hunt - to find rain."

Me:  "Ok.  Where exactly are you going?

Jane:  "I'm just going in the front yard.  Don't worry, you won't be seasick."

Me:  "I won't be seasick?"

Jane:  "Yes.  Daddy was seasick when Claire went into the back yard; that's why I'm staying in the front yard."

Me:  "Uh-huh.  How does that keep me from being seasick?"

Jane:  "Because - you're on the front porch.  You can see me from there."

Creative License

One of my children, who shall remain nameless, was apparently exasperated by being forced to play "Duck, Duck, Goose" at day camp.  She decided to liven the game up when her turn came - by calling out, "Penis, Penis, Vagina!"

Needless to say, this hilarious tactic was not especially well-received by the counselors.

Housekeeping Advice

Margot:  "Mom, you really need to sweep beneath my bureau."

Me:  "Why?"

Margot:  "Because - it is completely full of dust mice under there!"