Those Who Cannot Do, Teach

I came across this gem on Margot's desk the other day.  Note that her continued refusal to bend to conventional rules of spelling does not interfere with her assumption of an academic leadership position.  Failure to understand basic concepts of geography is also (apparently) irrelevant to her status as an instructor.

Zombie Details

This morning's argument (I'm as confused as you are by Margot's opening statement):

Margot (staring in mirror):  "Ugh.  I don't even look like a zombie."
Claire:  "I think you do."
Margot:  "Claire, no I don't.  And anyway zombies don't have heads."
Claire:  "They do too have heads!"
Margot:  "No, they don't."
Claire:  "Well, Michael Jackson has a head in the "Thriller" video."
Margot:  "Duh, Claire - Michael Jackson is a fake zombie.  Real zombies don't have heads."

Accountability

Our super-nanny, Lindsay, recently volunteered to take the girls to clean out our car before we headed off on a weekend trip.  I (of course) took her up on the offer, so they headed to the carwash after school one day.

Claire:  "Why do we have to go to the carwash?  It's boring."   
Lindsay:  "Because we're getting the car ready for your trip." 
Claire:  "I heard mom specifically say that you were going to clean the car - not us." 
Lindsay:  "Claire, you need to help because it's important for you to learn accountability." 
Claire:  "What's accountability?" 
Lindsay:  "If you know you will be responsible for the mess you create in the car, then you will probably be more careful in the future.  I'm rarely in your car, so why should I be responsible for all of the cleaning?" 
Claire:  "Okay, I understand now.  So, can you clean the car, and we'll just watch so we know what to do next time? " 
Lindsay:  "Claire, get in the car." 
Claire (muttering):  "Geez, don't you find humor in any of this?"

Good vs. Evil

Today's sisterly exchange could be read to suggest many things.  At a minimum, it portends the return of Jane's recently-dormant violent tendencies:
 
Margot (to Jane):  "Kit Kittredge is a superhero.  She is flying to give a punch to the evildoer, Jane."
Jane:  "Jane has a cat that will hit Kit.  And a pig, a strong one.  One that can break Kit and get her to howl."
Margot:  "Kit has a special platypus in a tank."  [Apparently, the platypus is some sort of protective creature.]
Claire (annoyed):  "That's a duck."
Margot (unperturbed):  "It's a duckapus."

Eat Your Vegetables on November 11

As I was getting dressed this morning, Jane observed that, even though Mommy and Daddy were going to work, she did not have to go to school.  When I asked her if she knew why school was closed, she promptly replied, "Yes - because it's Vegitary Day."

Her vegetarian grandparents will undoubtedly be proud that Jane didn't even question the notion that an entire urban school system would devote a day to honoring vegetables.

In Which My Cooking Skills Are Insulted (Again)

I may have reached a new low on the cooking front:  Jane just offered to pay me not to make dinner.  When I declined her offer (in the amount of one dollar), she took a harder line and announced that, if I dared to make the chili that I was in the process of assembling, she would not, in the future, give me any money - ever.  She then poured herself a bowl of cheerios.

I suggested that she put the Cheerios away and reiterated that we - all of us - were going to have chili.  She brought in reinforcements.  Claire rushed in and decried the unfairness of it all:  "Two of us - Jane and me - do not want chili.  Only one person - Margot - does.  So, you should not be making chili."  (Don and I apparently hold only non-voting roles in the family.)  I continued with the chili-making process.

Claire gave up and left.  Jane sat sullenly at the table, swirling her Cheerios around in the bowl and thoughtfully lining up her last-ditch attempt to salvage dinner. 

Jane:  "Mommy, you know what?"
Me:  "Jane, I don't want to discuss the chili any more."
Jane:  "I'm not discussing the chili."
Me:  "Okay, what?"
Jane:  "I just want you to know that my mouth is really happy right now without any chili in it."

Harry Potter Fans Unite

Me:  "Margot, come brush your teeth - we're running late."

Margot:  [silence]

Me:  "Margot?  Are you coming?"

Margot:  [silence]

Me:  "Margot, come on!"

Margot:  "Mommy?  I was just thinking.  We are so lucky that we know the truth."

Me:  "The truth about what?"

Margot:  "The truth about Peter Pettigrew."

Me:  [silence]

Home is Where the Heart Is

A daily entry in the Writer's Notebook is part of Claire's third-grade homework routine.  I love this notebook, because it gives me a glimpse into her thinking that I wouldn't otherwise have.  Here are two of my recent favorites:

What Do I Like About Where I Live?
My climbing tree
My nice neighbors
Our house's 11 best hiding places
The way you can see the sunset from the end of the street
Our downhill-going street
My room

Is Family Important? Why?
Family is important because if you didn't have family, you would be lonely and unhappy. Family is important also because if you don't have family, you won't learn how to take care of yourself. You also won't have anybody to play with, and you won't have anybody to help you meet new friends. You also will not have anybody to kiss you goodnight.

A Candid Assessment

Don and I had friends over for dinner recently - at a time when he and I were both pretty swamped at work.  As I was apologizing for the fact that all of our dinner napkins were in the dirty laundry, Claire leaned over to her friend Suki and said in stage whisper, "Suki, I'm sorry - I must confess that our house is currently in a state of disrepair."

How to Terrify Your Little Sister's Friends

My friend recently informed me that her daughter, Avery (age 4) had asked whether she could have a play date with Jane.  This wasn't an unusual request; our families often hang out together.  Jane and Avery are excellent collaborators when it comes to (a) sweetly caring for their many baby dolls; and (b) viciously excluding Avery's little brother from everything they do.

A family get-together seemed in order - until it became clear that Jane was welcome, but the jury was still out on Claire.  The reason?  According to Avery, "Claire knows how to kill people."