How to Terrify Your Little Sister's Friends

My friend recently informed me that her daughter, Avery (age 4) had asked whether she could have a play date with Jane.  This wasn't an unusual request; our families often hang out together.  Jane and Avery are excellent collaborators when it comes to (a) sweetly caring for their many baby dolls; and (b) viciously excluding Avery's little brother from everything they do.

A family get-together seemed in order - until it became clear that Jane was welcome, but the jury was still out on Claire.  The reason?  According to Avery, "Claire knows how to kill people."

Kitchen Lessons

Because Don is amazing in the kitchen and does virtually all of the chef-related work at our house, my children operate under the not-unreasonable belief that I can't cook.  They were both pleased and supportive this week when I undertook to make several omelets.  Margot perched beside me the entire time, offering helpful comments like, "Okay, good.  That's good, Mommy.  Now take that flipper thing and put it under the omelet so you can turn it over.  Great, Mom - you're doing great."

I served the omelets, and the girls marveled at how great they looked.  Margot offered to call Don and announce my accomplishment, and Claire observed that "Daddy is going to be ectastic when he hears about this!"  They began to eat, and Margot looked up.

Margot:  "Mommy?  I want to talk to you about this omelet."
Me:  "Okay."
Margot:  "Well, it's made of the same ingredients Dad uses.  That's good."
Me:  "Thanks."
Margot:  "It does also smell like Dad's omelets smell."
Me: [waiting]
Margot:  "And, it does look a lot like the omelets Daddy makes.  So . . . that's a good start, okay?"
Me:  "Okay."
Margot:  "But Mommy?  I have to tell you - it doesn't taste as good as Dad's.  It really doesn't."
[pause]
Margot:  "I just thought you should know."

Updates to the Wiest-ette Vocab List

Vocab girl on day one of pre-K

The Wiest-ette vocab list continues to expand.  I discovered a new favorite this morning, when I came into the kitchen and found Margot and Jane bitterly arguing over whether Jane had to eat the "Raisin Brain" that Margot had served her for breakfast.  Jane also insisted for all of August that she had to wear a life jacket so that she would not "shrink" to the bottom of Auntie Karyn's pool, and that her baby dolls were nursing by drinking milk from her "nibble."  Here's the recap:

• bagiant = vagina. Most effective use requires shouting this word, preferably in a grocery store or other public place -- e.g., "Mommy, you SEE my ba-GIANT??" (Jane)
• belly suit = bathing suit. Reflects the fact that one's belly is covered by a one-piece swimsuit, but also involves some confusion with "ballet suit" (a/k/a "leotarn").  (Jane)
• calicounter = calendar (Jane)
• diamond room = dining room (Jane)
• fake noodles = Fig Newtons. You can't imagine the confusion this one caused before we finally figured it out.  (Jane)
• fighterman = spiderman (Margot)
• fire executioner = fire extinguisher (Claire)
• leotarn = leotard (Claire)
• matilda = Nutella.  As in, "Can I have Matilda on my popover?"  We are pleased to see that this one has gained some traction with Jane's friend, Louisa, and her family.  (Jane)
• Magic Flag = American Flag (Jane)
• meaniac = one who is mean (all three)
• nibble = nipple.  As in, "This baby bottle needs a new nibble."  (Jane)
  
• nike (rhymes with bike) = nightgown.  Perhaps from mis-hearing "nightgown" as "nike on"? (Jane)
• nufkin = nothing, i.e., the opposite of "sumpkin" (Jane)
• pokey-tot = polka dot (Jane)
• president = present.  As in "I opened my birthday presidents yesterday." (Jane)
• Raisin Brain =  Raisin Bran (Margot)
• rudiecat = a person who behaves rudely - e.g., "MOM! Margot is being a rudiecat." (Claire)
• shrink = sink - e.g., "you will shrink to the bottom of the pool if you don't wear a life jacket!" (Jane)
• sumpkin = something, i.e., the opposite of "nufkin" (Jane)
• sun roof = sun room (Claire). As in, "Mommy, can you get the beach toys out of the sun roof so we can take them with us?"
• sunbird = sunburn (Jane)
• wash closet = washcloth (Jane)
• wrascalin' = rascal + wrestling (Jane). As in, "the puppies are wrascalin' again!"

Tell it Like It Is

When Lindsay picked the girls up from school yesterday, she made her usual inquiries about how each girl's day had gone.  Claire observed that she'd had quite a bad morning - which was completely true.  She was in rare form for both obstinacy and backtalk, and I was not exactly diplomatic in my response.  She then followed up by cheerfully (and competitively) noting that Margot had had "an even worse morning."  Margot promptly explained that this was not true at all - and that "Claire had used up all of Mom's patience - so there wasn't any left when she got to me."

Our Community Activist

Claire, Ollie & Hugo at the Walk for Animals

Those of you who know Claire know that her passion for reusing and recycling is second only to her enthusiasm for all things animal-related - and, in particular, all things related to Ollie and Hugo.  I was, therefore, not really surprised when she recently told me that she wished people could marry dogs, because Ollie "would just make such a great husband, wouldn't he, Mom?!"

She's also put her money where her mouth is, and this weekend embarked on her first-ever act of charitable fundraising by participating in the MSPCA's Walk for Animals.  She wrote up the text for her own fundraising web page and began soliciting donations (including by using me as her email and FB-posting agent!)  She set - and exceeded - a goal of $200.  She learned yesterday that she can still raise money through the end of the month, so she raised her goal to $300; she met that, and has just informed me that it is now $400.  (I'm also her webmaster, so she had to instruct me to make the change on her little thermometer-measure that shows how close she is to her goal).  The Walk was fantastic - a beautiful fall day, with 2000 people and 1000 dogs circling the Boston Common - happy chaos!  The highlight for me, though, was seeing her beaming as she crossed the "finish line" and said, "Mommy, can you believe how much money I raised to help animals?!"

Lesson (Not) Learned - Part II

Fashionista in a cabbage-leaf hat

Several of you have asked if Claire ever executed a follow up prank.  She did.  I learned of it when I went to get myself a glass of orange juice - and did a double-take because the juice looked sort of weird and greenish.  I then noticed that the milk also looked wrong (it was a bright, sort of kelly green), and that the water pitcher was full of something looked like water - except for the fact that it was dark red . . . You get the drift.

My mother (unwisely, in my view) chose to support this new obsession  while we were on vacation in Michigan.  I know this because I overheard her say things like, "Jane, what color do you want in your milk?" and "Margot, does that lemonade look orange enough?"  Thanks, Mom!


p.s.  Thanks for the many notes (complaints?) about the appalling shortage of blog posts in July and August - and, yes, Legia, this includes you, even though you sent yours via a third party.  :)  I've truly been in summer mode, but will try to get back on my game.

Non-Mystery Notes

Margot's note-writing has progressed by leaps and bounds.  She's moved from the mystery notes (which tended to be both anonymous and nearly incomprehensible) to the slightly more targeted spy notes, to a new, clearly-articulated sort of warning/menacing note.

Key improvements include an identifiable target audience (i.e., anyone standing outside Margot's door), the correct spelling of 50% of the words, and the incorrect (yet completely readable) misspelling of the rest of the words.

Lesson (Not) Learned

On Monday, I came home from work  and went to the kitchen sink for a glass of water.  I turned on the tap and was immediately drenched.  The faucet's spray nozzle was pointed directly at me, and the handle had been clamped down with a rubber band.

I immediately sought out the most obvious suspect - Claire.  When I asked her whether she was responsible, she promptly admitted culpability.  She could barely keep the grin off her face as she realized her prank (which she'd read about in a book and deemed "hilarious") had been successful.  I calmly discussed why the trick wasn't actually a great idea:  "What if I'd been getting ready to leave for an important meeting and had to go back to change my clothes and then I was late?  What if I'd been wearing a silk blouse that couldn't get wet?"  She ruefully claimed to to see the error of her ways; I was pleased with my calm and effective handling of the situation.  Until about two days later, when I learned about this conversation:

Claire:  "Hey, Lindsay, I read this thing called 'take a shower' in a book and I tried it. It's where you put a rubber band on the spray part of the sink then sit back and watch someone turn it on."
Lindsay (our super-nanny):  "How'd that work out for you?"
Claire:  "Mission accomplished.  Mom . . . got . . . soaked!!"
Lindsay (trying not to laugh):  "Hmm. I'm not sure that was such a good idea - I think Mom is the last person you'd want to have get mad at you."
Claire:  "But it was extremely successful - although she was mad."
Lindsay:  [silence]
Claire:  "And, wait until you see the next prank - it's going to be even better."

(And note that I'm not even getting into the fact that both my nanny and my husband thought that this whole incident was, in fact, hilarious.)

Seasickness

J

Jane:  "Mommy, I'm going on a rain hunt - to find rain."

Me:  "Ok.  Where exactly are you going?

Jane:  "I'm just going in the front yard.  Don't worry, you won't be seasick."

Me:  "I won't be seasick?"

Jane:  "Yes.  Daddy was seasick when Claire went into the back yard; that's why I'm staying in the front yard."

Me:  "Uh-huh.  How does that keep me from being seasick?"

Jane:  "Because - you're on the front porch.  You can see me from there."

Creative License

One of my children, who shall remain nameless, was apparently exasperated by being forced to play "Duck, Duck, Goose" at day camp.  She decided to liven the game up when her turn came - by calling out, "Penis, Penis, Vagina!"

Needless to say, this hilarious tactic was not especially well-received by the counselors.