Lesson (Not) Learned

On Monday, I came home from work  and went to the kitchen sink for a glass of water.  I turned on the tap and was immediately drenched.  The faucet's spray nozzle was pointed directly at me, and the handle had been clamped down with a rubber band.

I immediately sought out the most obvious suspect - Claire.  When I asked her whether she was responsible, she promptly admitted culpability.  She could barely keep the grin off her face as she realized her prank (which she'd read about in a book and deemed "hilarious") had been successful.  I calmly discussed why the trick wasn't actually a great idea:  "What if I'd been getting ready to leave for an important meeting and had to go back to change my clothes and then I was late?  What if I'd been wearing a silk blouse that couldn't get wet?"  She ruefully claimed to to see the error of her ways; I was pleased with my calm and effective handling of the situation.  Until about two days later, when I learned about this conversation:

Claire:  "Hey, Lindsay, I read this thing called 'take a shower' in a book and I tried it. It's where you put a rubber band on the spray part of the sink then sit back and watch someone turn it on."
Lindsay (our super-nanny):  "How'd that work out for you?"
Claire:  "Mission accomplished.  Mom . . . got . . . soaked!!"
Lindsay (trying not to laugh):  "Hmm. I'm not sure that was such a good idea - I think Mom is the last person you'd want to have get mad at you."
Claire:  "But it was extremely successful - although she was mad."
Lindsay:  [silence]
Claire:  "And, wait until you see the next prank - it's going to be even better."

(And note that I'm not even getting into the fact that both my nanny and my husband thought that this whole incident was, in fact, hilarious.)

Seasickness

J

Jane:  "Mommy, I'm going on a rain hunt - to find rain."

Me:  "Ok.  Where exactly are you going?

Jane:  "I'm just going in the front yard.  Don't worry, you won't be seasick."

Me:  "I won't be seasick?"

Jane:  "Yes.  Daddy was seasick when Claire went into the back yard; that's why I'm staying in the front yard."

Me:  "Uh-huh.  How does that keep me from being seasick?"

Jane:  "Because - you're on the front porch.  You can see me from there."

Creative License

One of my children, who shall remain nameless, was apparently exasperated by being forced to play "Duck, Duck, Goose" at day camp.  She decided to liven the game up when her turn came - by calling out, "Penis, Penis, Vagina!"

Needless to say, this hilarious tactic was not especially well-received by the counselors.

Housekeeping Advice

Margot:  "Mom, you really need to sweep beneath my bureau."

Me:  "Why?"

Margot:  "Because - it is completely full of dust mice under there!"

Marriage Plans

Jane:  "Why is Margot saying she wants to marry Eric when I’m going to marry him?"

Eric: "Jane, I can just marry both of you."

Jane: "But I’m going to marry David, too."

Eric:  "I know David, so that’s fine."

Jane (flinging back of hand over forehead):  "this is so confusing . . ."

The Burdens of the Middle Child

Me:  "Margot, I'm going to Washington, DC early tomorrow morning, so I may not see you before you go to school - but I'm just going for the day, so I'll be back before you go to bed."

Margot:  "Oh, Mommy, I'm going to miss you so much!!"

Me:  "I'll miss you, too - "

Margot:  "I'm going to miss you as much as a baby piglet would miss its mother, if the mother had a lot of other piglets and wasn't paying very much attention to that piglet.  Because baby pigs really love their mothers, you know?  And if they don't get a lot of attention from their mothers, they really, really miss them.  I'm going to miss you that much, Mom - I really am."

Note to self:  plan one-on-one activity with Margot ASAP.

Gender Differences & Analytical Processes

Jane:  "I like to drink milk, and pretend it's chocolate.  And, it's soooo yummy, but it's really good because it's like you have chocolate milk, but it's healthy."

Eric (Jane's friend):  "I don't think about all that, I just drink my chocolate milk."

A New Role for Daddy

Today Margot's class had a field trip to the Museum of Fine Arts, which prompted this conversation:

Margot:  "Mommy, is Dad going to be a mascot for my field trip, or not?  I really want him to."

Me:  "A what?"

Margot:  "A mascot.  You know, one of the parents who comes along on the trip to help watch the kids."

Allergy Season

Jane:  ''This morning my eye was itchy and it felt like allergies.  I told my mom and she said it wasn't allergies - but it was."
 

Lindsay:  ''What do eye allergies feel like?"

Jane:  "Like my eye wanted to sneeze.''

Of Vampires and Virgins

Claire:  "Margot, I read in the Guinness Book of World Records that there was a woman who practiced vampirism and that she killed over 600 virgins.''

Margot:  "What's a virgin?"

Claire:  ''It's a woman who has never been married . . . I think.  Or a woman from Virginia.''