Mommy as Appliance (or Something)

I know everyone talks (truthfully) about how life is never the same after kids. In addition to all of the wonder and joy that comes with having the girls, there has also been what can only be described as a total loss of privacy and, for lack of a better description, ownership: of my time, my attention, my sleep, and, of course, my actual body. I'm not saying this is necessarily bad, but it is a change for a person who had previously operated as an independent being for many years. The perception that I'm sort of collectively owned by my kids is not limited to me; they see the world this way, too. I'm sort of their main chattel.

For example, I find it nearly impossible to take a shower without at least one child (and usually two or three) coming into the bathroom (if not into the shower) with allegedly urgent issues. It's generally something like the following:

Margot: "Mommy, Claire said her Polly Pocket was a robber, but it wasn't really a robber because it was a girl and there aren't any girl robbers and also she said it had a gun and guns are not safe."
Claire (screaming from her room): "She's LYYYYYYIIIIINNNNNNNGGGG, Mom. Ignore her."
Margot (sobbing): "I'm not lying!"
Claire (still screaming): "You are!"
Jane (cheerfully): "Margot's lying! Polly Pockets are robbers!"
Margot: "I'm NOT lying!"
Jane (climbing into shower, fully clothed): "You lying. Mommy, I go in shower with you, ok?"
Margot (still sobbing, but also removing clothes and climbing into shower with 11 Polly Pockets dolls): "Claire, I'm not lying, and I'm not playing Polly Pockets with you any more."
Me (silently): "Really? Do two people -- one of whom is fully clothed -- really need to be in here with me right now?"
Margot (staring intently at me): "Mom!"
Me (with concern): "What?"
Margot: "Is Jane still using those?
Me: "Using what?"
Margot: "Your breasts."
Me: "Um, no. She doesn't nurse any more."
Margot: "Well, what are you using them for, then?"
Me: (silence)

Fair question. Because, really, am I using them for?

Numbers and whatnot

Jane is now just over two years old and has reached a great counting milestone: she can accurately count 1, 2, or 3 objects. This may not sound impressive, but it reflects a significant step over her prior method of counting, which involved pointing at any number of objects and rapidly saying, "1-2-3-4-5!!!" Her Nana, no doubt manipulated by her mathematician husband (a/k/a Papa), decided to see if Jane was ready to go to the next level with her number-related skills.

Nana: "Jane, how old are you?"
Jane (enthusiastically): "I two!!"
Nana: "And how old will you be when you have your birthday?"
Jane: blank stare
Nana: "You are two now, and how old will you be after this?"
Jane: blank stare
Nana (with increased cheerfulness): "You are two, and when you add one more year, how old will you be?"
Jane (with conviction): "Blueberry!"

Superheroes

Claire's obsession with 1970's-era superheroes continues. Not only does she know all of the main superheroes (Spiderman, Batman, etc.), but she's memorized the names and powers of other, lesser-known superheroes and, importantly, superheroines. She's done her best to download this information to Margot, with some amount of success. Don overheard the following exchange on Saturday:

Margot (who's birthday is coming up this week): "Claire, when it's your birthday, I'm going to get you a Hellcat costume."

Claire: "Margot, they're very hard to find. Except probably in New York."